Gothic Weddings
How to create your Gothic Wedding
Your wedding should be a reflection of your love as a couple, your personalities, and your values. That's why more and more goth couples are having gothic weddings. As with any wedding, its not easy to do, but it can be very rewarding. Here are some basics on how to start. I'm currently working on a book on gothic weddings, so if you have any questions or ideas, please e-mail me, as any input would help me, and I would love the chance to help you in your dream wedding. Everything on this page is copyrighted to me, so if you steal it, I'll come down on you like the hammer of god.
For those getting married in the San Francisco Bay Area, check out my SF gothic wedding page, with local info.
The Basics: Budget, Setting, Theme. . .
Before any other planning starts, you must figure out these things, all of which are interrelated:
1. When the wedding is to take place. If you don't have a special date in mind, decide on what time of year you want your wedding, what day of the week, and what time of day. For those with a budget, keep in mind that the winter holidays, Valentine's day, Fridays, and Saturdays (especially in the warmer months) can cost extra. Also keep in mind that evening weddings tend to cost more than daytime weddings, but they are more likely to be attended.
2. Your budget. Be honest about this. How much do you and your family really want to spend on the wedding? Most of us would love a lavish wedding, but would doing so put yourself or your family into debt. Would you rather use that money for a down payment for your home? No matter what your budget is, you can have a beautiful wedding.
3. Do you want a religious ceremony? Sometimes this can be sticky, especially if there is disagreement between a couple or within the family. You want your spouse and both families to feel comfortable, so work together and compromise so everyone is happy. If you decide on a religious ceremony, figure our if you want to have it in a church or performed by a particular clergy member? If so, talk to those in charge quickly, so you know what dates are available and what they do and do not permit during a ceremony.
4. The Theme. Sure, you want a gothic wedding, but what exactly do you want? A Halloween theme, with spider webs and pumpkins everywhere? A dark Renaissance theme, with a beautiful Tudor gown and turkey legs? Or a ghostly midnight wedding, with an ethereal white gown? It's important to know what "feel" you want to your wedding before you begin. If you're going a more traditional route, start with the color scheme and how formal you want it.
5. How Many Guests? The more people, the more money you'll have to spend. Find a happy medium, where you don't feel bad about shelling out the money for the people who are coming. Both partners should make a list, and be willing to compromise if one person has more people coming than the other. A general rule is don't invite anyone who you haven't seen for more than five years unless they are particularly special to you. And never invite a cousin without inviting their siblings, it's just rude.
The Look: Dresses, Flowers. . .
The Groom's Clothing. More mainstream weddings give men a very limited number of options for clothing. For gothic weddings, there are many more options, from Renaissance garb to a full length cassock. All men look good in suits, but the color and style of the groom's clothing should match the bride's and the theme of the wedding. Traditional tuxedo and suit stores may be a good place to start looking, as they are starting to provide a larger variety of styles, or you can try the smaller, online based retailers on my links page. Some sites that I recommend are Kambriel, The Dark Angel, Dragon's Blood Creations, Gentleman's Emporium, and Wolfstone Kilt Company.
The Wedding Party. Don't be one of those people who dresses their bridesmaids up ugly just to look better yourself. The bride and groom will always stand out on their wedding day, you don't have to engineer it. The bridesmaids and groomsmen should have similar style and colored clothing as the bride and groom, only less ornate. If you are not having a very formal wedding, a good idea is to have your bridesmaids find their own dresses in a predetermined color, so that they can express their individuality and find an outfit that looks good on them.
Flowers. A good florist will be able to make a breathtaking arrangement of color and texture while staying within a budget. Pick a florist when you already know your theme and budget. You know you've found the right florist when they're excited about your wedding ideas and willing to work within a budget. The flowers available to a florist are tenfold what is available to you, so they will be able to find any strange or dark colored flowers that you want. Bouquets are traditionally the most important flowers at a wedding, but do not feel obligated to have a bouquet if you don't want one, you can always use flowers in other ways.
Decorating. Decorating your ceremony and reception sites depend on your location, budget, and theme. For church weddings, you can usually only decorate with flower, tulle, and an aisle runner, but these can all reflect your colors or theme. The alter or centerpiece of your ceremony site should always have some embellishment, to highlight your theme and the beauty of the moment. Most of the wedding is spent at the reception, and this is where you can go wild with decorations. Flowers are traditional and beautiful, but can be expensive. Try and incorporate your theme as much as possible. For example, if you are having a Bloody Valentines theme, get red roses, red tulle, and lifelike hearts for a centerpiece. For a haunted midnight wedding, go with black linens and tons of candles. Brainstorm with your fiance and friends, but make sure to check with your site manager before you buy anything, just to see if its permitted.
The Grub: Food & Drink
Catering. Even the best wedding wouldn't be remembered fondly if you don't have some decent grub. This does not mean you have to spend $100 per person for steak, but you have to choose carefully. First, figure out what kind of meal you want to serve: a sit down dinner, a buffet lunch, a midnight desert bar? Short changing people is not an option, so if they'll be spending their dinner time at your wedding, you better provide them with dinner, not a snack. Buffets can cut down on the number of servers you need, but they can be frustrating if you have more than 75 people.
Holding your reception at a restaurant makes things relatively easy for you, and the cook and event coordinator will assist in your menu selections. Make sure you tour the facility and taste the food before you sign anything. Off site catering can be more difficult if you have a large guest list or your location has no kitchen. But any quality caterer will work with your budget or situation, so don't sign with any caterer who just says 'no' to something. Make sure that everything you expect from the caterer or restaurant is spelled out in the contract.
It is possible to tie in your theme to the food and drink that is served. Edible dye can be added to just about everything these days, and a good caterer or restaurant can give you some new ideas. Renaissance or medieval weddings can have turkey legs and cabbage soup, forks (which didn't come in common usage till the 15th century) optional. A vampire theme can have beef tartar, blood pudding, and pomegranate sorbet. Just make sure you have something for your vegetarian guests.
Drinks. Alcohol and drinks are surprisingly important to many guests. Unless you want to have a dry wedding, which will drive away many guests, plan on serving one beverage per guest every 45 minutes. Full bars can be very expensive, and serving wine, beer, and a signature cocktail will usually satisfy everyone. Never make your guests pay for their drinks, unless you want your wedding to remembered as "the wedding with the pay bar."
The Cake? Your dessert can be one of the places where your creativity and personality can shine through. Cake is the standard dessert and it can be a pallet in the hands of a talented cake decorator, transforming from anything to a casket to a castle. Cheesecake, ice cream cake, cupcakes, cookies, and pies can be used in leu of, or in addition to, your cake, and can also be decorated to match your theme. The basic price of all these desserts are the same, what you pay for is the quality and quantity of the decorations, and you generally get what you pay for.
Everything Else: the Ceremony, Music, Photography. . .
The Ceremony. The single most important part of your wedding is the ceremony, but too many people use cookie-cutter vows when they don't have to. Almost every religious sect allows you to write at least part of your vows, so do it. Legally, you also have to say something to the effect of "I ____ take you as my husband/wife, forsaking all others," but that's it. Check with your local government for the specifics. You don't have to start from scratch. I suggest checking a few books on wedding vows out from your public library and looking them over for anything you like. I personally like The Knot Guide to Wedding Vows and Traditions by Carley Roney, which has a Celtic hand-fasting ritual and some great quotes you can use. Feel free to mix and match words and ideas, but make sure your officiant OKs it long in advance. And don't do anything that will make people feel too uncomfortable. I knew one couple that went off in the middle of the ceremony to a nearby tent to consummate the marriage while their family waited outside. Besides being awkward, it must have cause a serious case of performance anxiety.
Photography. A good photographer is invaluable. Your memories of your wedding will never disappear, but they will go fuzzy. Photographers in larger cities usually cost a horrific amount, though, and the truly talented professional photographers can cost in excess of $5000. If you want to spend that kind of money, than I'm sure you'll get what you pay for. For those who don't want to spend all that money, hire a photography student at your local arts college, who will do both photojournalistic and artistic photographs for the experience and a small fee. Having disposable cameras for your guests means that you will get some great candid shots as well.
Transportation. Limos are the standard method of transportation, but they can be boring. There are plenty of other transportation possibilities, such as vintage vehicles, Hearses, and art cars. You might have to search the internet for these, but they are out there.
Videography & Other Useless Things. Videography: The prices that videographers charge is criminal. You are unlikely to view a long wedding video, anyway, so your best bet is to get a friend with a video camera to tape parts of your wedding. Wedding Insurance: Seriously, don't. It’s a waste of money unless your wedding costs more than 100K.
